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Wacky stories in today's news

Some guy in North Dakota actually tried to murder Trump with a forklift.

I woke up this morning to two really wacky stories in today's news. One guy apparently tried to assassinate President Trump using a forklift. Another went to court trying to officially change his age.


The fork lift guy

According to The Washington Post, last week it was revealed that when Trump was in Mandan, ND Sept. 6, 2017 to give a speech at a gigantic oil refinery, Gregory Lee Leingang, 42, was arrested because he planned to murder Trump using a stolen forklift.

Now, I am not going there. I refuse. Oh well, I will. Yea, heavy as Trump appears to be, it would probably take a forklift....Bob! Stop!

It apparently was intended to be the climax of a day-long crime spree by Leingang, who last Friday pled guilty to attempting to enter or remain at the refinery, a restricted area because of the president's appearance there. He had also been charged with attempting to damage government property.

The plea agreement said Leingang knowingly entered and remained in a restricted area, "that is, the Mandan Refinery and its grounds and presidential motorcade route...and in relation to the offense, did use a deadly and dangerous weapon, that is, a forklift."

"The intent was to basically try to get to the limo, flip the limo and get to the president, and he wanted to kill the president," U.S. Assistant State's Attorney Brandi Sasse Russell explained. However, everything fell apart when Leingang abandoned the forklift and was nabbed by the cops as he tried to run away.

Read the full article for more details. It's pretty funny. Talk about stupid criminals!

Age is just a number

You make me feel so young...

A Netherlands court has ruled against Emile Ratelband, 69, who argued that since he feels only 49, he should be legally considered that age so he could avoid age discrimination and score more Tinder hookup dates -- once again, this tidbit also from The Post.

According to the newspaper, Ratelband said he is a serious businessman and author and has experienced age discrimination when renting cars abroad. He also said that although retired, his age would probably make it hard for him to find a job if he wanted one.

"What is time? he asked. "Time is just a figure. I say it's not fixed."

But in denying Ratelband's request, the court said it "recognized that there was a trend in society for people to feel fit and healthy far longer, but did not regard that as a valid argument for amending a person's date of birth." Ratelband wanted to officially change his birth date from March 11, 1949 to March 11, 1969.

Ah, no, the court said, adding that there are plenty of other ways to seek redress from age discrimination.

I've often heard people say, "You're not really old -- after all, age is just a number."

Yea, right. Tell that to my back or my knees or the age spots on my hands.

So if this guy had won his case and was declared 49, that means when he was 89 in his "new" age, he really would have been 109 and could maybe get in the record books. Fake records, just like the records of baseball players who sucked down steroids, hit a lot of home runs, and now want to be in the Hall of Fame.

Speaking of records, had he won, what would have happened to all of those official records of his first 20 years? Like his birth certificate, for example. All those kids he grew up with or knew in school. Gone. And if his mom gave birth to him when she was 25? Guess she would have to have been 45. Is that close to a record?

I can't believe the court actually heard this case.

There. You have the top stories of today's news. You're welcome.

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