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A Saga of Trump Swamp Dwellers

Updated: Jul 2, 2019

It sounds like the name of a science fiction B movie, but in fact, it’s what comprises the cabinet of this administration. The slogan “Drain the Swamp” permeated campaign rallies for months. It was based on Trump’s promise to clean up Washington by excluding beltway insiders from his cabinet.

While they did rid the administration of experienced Washington insiders, what was left reached a new level of incompetence and ethical nightmares complete with untold conflicts of interest.

Fridays are typically a “take out the trash” day with no substantial news stories released because weekend audiences are poor. But under Trump, Friday has become known as “Firing Day”, the day of judgement for various Cabinet members who were either fired or resigned. Sometimes it wasn’t clear which was the case because of conflicting stories from a White House that resembled the ‘Gang That Couldn’t Shoot Straight”.

The Casualties

Michael Flynn became the first casualty, resigning after less than a month. The leader of the “Lock Her Up!” chants on the Trump campaign trail eventually confessed to a series of illegal activities and is now the one now heading to jail.

Sean Spicer began his tenure as Press Secretary by pushing the lie about the size of the inauguration crowd. He also adopted the dual role of being White House Communications Director; a position that became eerily similar to a Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor in the Harry Potter books as one after another CDs either resigned or was fired. As for Spicer, he stepped aside after persistent rumors of his impending firing continued throughout his entire seven-month odyssey of ineptness.

Anthony Scaramucci followed by setting the world record for job brevity. Scaramucci lasted less than a week as Communications Director after he gave an expletive filled rant to a NY Times reporter, criticizing various administration officials and Trump family members.

EPA Chief Scott Pruitt was another Swamp Dweller forced to resign after a series of ethical lapses, including ripping off taxpayers for fancy, expensive trips. His time at the EPA was characterized by his efforts to disband or dismantle the very protections his department was supposed to be protecting. Pruitt famously had an expensive private phone booth installed in his officer to assure his phone calling privacy.

Health and Human Services Secretary Tom Price was fired for repeatedly taking charter flights at taxpayers' expense.

Oil executive turned Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson, and Secretary of the Interior Ryan Zinke were fired via Twitter, while FBI head James Comey learned of his demise. While both Tillerson and Comey can be characterized as having done their jobs, they were fired for refusing to accept limits placed on them by the White House.

Attorney General Jeff Sessions, who Trump dubbed "Mr. Peepers", suffered the president's wrath and was canned because he properly recused himself from the Special Counsel's Russia investigation.

Rob Porter, H R McMaster, Steve Bannon, John Kelly, Kirstjen Nielsen, James Mattis and numerous others either resigned or were fired from their positions, making this the most chaotic administration in American history. Some were fired for refusing Trump’s order to take illegal actions.

Still, there are rumors of more firings to come. Comedy Central’s “The Daily Show” has even created a bingo card of administration departures. The card expands as more names are added.

Yes, Trump “Drained the Swamp”. And then he filled it with Creatures from the Black Lagoon.

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