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Dr. Donald's Foolproof Cure-alls

Updated: May 20, 2020

Not only has Donald Trump discovered how to prevent -- and cure -- covid 19, he's found a foolproof way to eliminate America's -- no, the world's -- cases of cancer, heart disease, Alzheimer's, strokes, and any other serious health ailment.

But first...

While our very stable genius president has discovered that miraculous solution, he's also turned himself into a one-man single-not-so-blind drug study, intended to prove that the scientists, the fake news, the Democrats, anybody with half a brain, is full of crapola.

That's because they warn, report the warning, or believe the warning, that taking hydroxychloroquine for covid 19 can cause fatal heart consequences, and Trump thinks they're full of ca-ca.

So, he's been taking the drug, meant for malaria and lupus, and he's still here. So he says.

Even Fox News told him to beware, that what he was doing is stupid.

Saying he was stunned when Trump said he was taking the drug, Fox host Neil Cavuto commented, "The president is insistent that it has enormous benefits for patients either trying to prevent or already have covid-19. The fact of the matter is, though, when the president said, 'What have you got to lose?' a number of studies, those are certainly vulnerable in the population have one thing to lose. Their lives."

At the White House when asked why he was taking the drug, Trump replied, "Because I think it's good. I've heard a lot of good stories. And if it's not good, I'll tell you right -- you know, I'm not going to get hurt by it."

So Trump is taking the drug because his buddy, Rudy Giuliani, has told him that it works, and he's received a lot of letters that say it's good. Never mind what the scientists or studies have shown. There are also those reports that some of his pals have invested in the company that makes the drug.

Are those good reasons? The need to show people up? The need to help his pals make some extra bucks? The need to stick it to the liberal mainstream media? The need to prove that he knows more than the scientists because he has good genes?

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi expressed her worry and concern for Dr. Donald, staying he shouldn't be taking hydroxychloroquine because of his age, 73, and because he is "morbidly obese."

"As far as the president is concerned, he's our president and I would rather he not be taking something that has not been approved by the scientists, especially in his age group and in his, shall we say, weight group, morbidly obese, they say," Pelosi said during an interview with CNN on Monday night. "So I think it's not a good idea."

Well, Madam Speaker, you are too kind.

Because with Trump bragging that he's taking the drug -- one pill a day along with zinc -- a whole lot of people, most likely Trump true-believers, will do the same thing. Hopefully, however, they will not be "morbidly obese" or have other underlying conditions, like age, that could make them more vulnerable to the side effects of the drug.

That would be a shame, and it would be on Trump.

Dr. Donald's Solution

Now, to Dr. Donald's solution for the numbers of cancer cases and cases of other serious diseases. Just stop testing and they'll disappear.

That's right. Just like covid-19, if we didn't test, those cases won't be on the books, and the world would be rid of all disease.

Yep, last week Trump said the reason the U.S. has more coronavirus cases than other countries is because we are doing such a great job with testing, which he said is really unnecessary, anyway.

“And don’t forget, we have more cases than anybody in the world,” he said. “But why? Because we do more testing. When you test, you have a case. When you test, you find something is wrong with people. If we didn’t do any testing, we would have very few cases.”

So, by extension, it is reasonable to assume that if we just stop testing, our coronavirus case numbers will drop, people can go back to work, to school, out to dinner, to ballgames, to the theatre, to poker parties, whatever they please, and not have a worry in the world.

It is also logical, then, to extend that to other diseases. Just don't test for them and they won't exist.

Gee, thanks, Dr. Donald. For this you deserve the Nobel Prize for Medicine.

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