To increase viewership, perhaps C-Span should consider using a laugh track when televising Congressional hearings? After all, the great GOP sitcom is giving us plenty to laugh at.
Whether it’s threatened fist fights, an actual body check, an investigation into the spending habits of one of their own members that has become comedy gold for late night pundits, or a congressman going the “Your mom!” route when he is challenged, there are sitcom writers shaking their heads and asking themselves, “Why didn’t I think of that?”.
Add to that the latest round of conspiracy theories and a dash of a Donald Trump rant and you’ve got the makings of a classic sitcom. Except this version of “must see TV” is all too serious when you consider the life-or-death consequences that require a sense of decorum when determining what legislation should be put forth.
The Fight
Just imagine an episode of Seinfeld where Kramer challenges a Teamster boss to a fistfight on the Congressional floor. Add to that the disembodied voice of Larry David imitating Bernie Sanders where only his hand is showing as he scolds Kramer. And when Kramer is later interviewed about the incident, he doubles down by saying he’s not above biting. Throw in some hair pulling and scratching and you've got a comedic brouhaha.
Yes, it sounds crazy, but it actually happened. After exchanging insults on social media, former Mixed Martial Arts fighter, turned Oklahoma senator, Markwayne Mullin, faced off with Teamsters president Sean O’Brien during a Senate hearing. Rather than address the issue at hand, Mullin chose to address O’Brien’s comments and challenged him to a fistfight on the Senate floor.
Only Bernie Sanders’ intervention prevented the melee from happening, yet Mullin continued to push for an altercation, even stating that he wasn’t afraid to bite his opponent if he had the opportunity.
Cue Kramer foaming at the mouth after swallowing too many antacid tablets and fade to black.
The Shoving Indignation
What if an episode of The Big Bang Theory had Sheldon shoving Leonard from behind after Sheldon loses a coveted department chair position? Sheldon is incensed, especially when he finds out that his supposed best friend, Leonard, also voted against him, reasoning that, if put in a position of authority, Sheldon would act in his typical overbearing fashion.
Seeing Leonard in the hallway, Sheldon approaches him from behind and, while he isn’t looking, shoves Leonard and then walks on as if nothing had happened.
Accusations fly and, in the end, Sheldon apologizes to Leonard after he admits that the things Leonard feared were actually on Sheldon’s list of things he would do. At this point Sheldon pulls out an actual list and laughter ensues.
Sounds hilarious, doesn’t it? Except Sheldon is actually ousted House Speaker Kevin McCarthy, who allegedly punched fellow Republican Tim Burchett after Burchett had been among those who voted for McCarthy’s removal. While McCarthy denies the interaction, his behavior was confirmed by former Representative Adam Kinzinger who claimed that McCarthy purposely bumped into him as well.
As a footnote, the episode concludes as Sheldon’s arch nemesis, Barry Kripke, is named temporary department chair and seeks to institute even crazier rules than Sheldon. In true Kripke fashion, he tries to enact sexist policies such as “Topless Tuesday”.
The show ends with a dejected Kripke announcing he was immediately removed from the position.
Cheers Won!
There have been episodes of the popular sitcom Cheers that highlighted the competition between the bar’s crosstown rival, Gary’s Oldtown Tavern. One possible episode could be a time when there was a Boston Battle of the Bars. Cheers loses, but Carla is unwilling to admit defeat. Instead, she alleges, without proof, that Gary’s somehow cheated and Cheers is the rightful winner.
Carla rallies the Cheers faithful and prepares to march to Gary’s Oldtown Tavern and destroy their rival unless Gary admits defeat.
As the mob prepares to head out the door, armed with beer bottles and barstools, Diane intervenes and prevents the mob from attacking by invoking the oft heard baseball refrain “Wait til next year!”
Too close to the truth?
The One About the Rumor
In a possible episode of the popular sitcom Friends, Ross becomes obsessed with a new variety of scones being offered at their hangout, Central Perk. He hears a rumor that the reason behind his scone addiction is due to a secret ingredient that is stored in the coffeehouse basement. He becomes convinced that customers who order specific types of coffee are actually being given this special ingredient to take home with them.
Ross’s behavior becomes increasingly unhinged as the episode continues, with characters mocking Ross’s obsession while alternately teasing that Monica has gained access to it and put it into one of the items she has prepared for a party she is catering.
When he is left alone, Ross basically destroys Monica’s creations in a vain, yet comical, attempt to find the secret ingredient. This leads the gang to admit they were only joking about having it, leaving Ross covered in frosting.
To appease Ross, Rachel offers to show him the back of the coffee shop to prove there is no basement. The episode closes, but not without a glimpse of a mysterious hidden door.
It would all be laughable if these fake sitcom plots weren’t based on the actual actions of Republicans and their MAGA fanatics.