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Doesn't everybody know how to make toast? Has toaster technology really changed all that much since Alan McMaster invented it in Edinburgh, Scotland in 1893?

Apparently the people at Cuisinart aren't so sure. I bought their 4-slicer today hoping my toast would get toasted faster in a regular toaster than in my Cuisinart toaster oven, which seems to take forever to toast my toast.

So after dinner, we set it up. We made a couple test pieces of toast to be sure it worked OK before trashing the box. It worked fine.

Then, my wife, Jackie Cristiano, who has a reputation for being a wizard around the kitchen, decided to check out the official Cuisinart Instruction Booklet that came with our new toaster. First there was a section called "Important Safeguards," which included such warnings as:

Do not touch hot surfaces. Use handles or knobs.

To protect against electrical shock, do not place any part of the toaster in water or other liquids.

Do not place toaster on or near a hot gas or electric burner or in a heated oven.

Here's Jackie:

"Are you kidding me? They have to tell people not to dunk a toaster in water or put it in a hot oven? Are people that stupid today?"

Then came the instructions on Use and Care.

Step 1. Insert slices of bread.

Step 2. Set the Browning Control (There's a lever with 7 settings, seems obvious, but hey...)

Step 3. To begin toasting press the carriage control lever until it locks into the down position. (How else would you do it? It won't go up!)

Step 4. To stop toasting before the cycle is finished, simply press the Cancel button.

Here's Jackie:

"Really? People have to be told that to toast bread you have to push the handle down? Really, you shouldn't be near anything that you have to plug into electricity if you're that stupid! Geez O'Flip! People have all these degrees today and they have to be told how to make toast?

"My grandparents didn't speak English. They made their own bread and raised nine children. I guarantee you they knew how to use a freaking toaster!"

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